CRYING OVER YOU

I was electrocuted for a second today.  There was a lizard that died and was stinking the whole bathroom so I looked for it and when I saw it squished in the door jamb, I had your dad clean it up.  Afterwards, the very bad smell was still there so I proceeded to wipe it with bleach and all that. But it also happened that I have been wanting to clean the bathroom bit by bit so I started cleaning the sink because I have been waiting for Sharon or anyone to clean it up including the mirror but no one seems to ever notice the muck that has collected there so I wet a sponge and started wiping but I accidentally touched the electric switch with the tip of the sponge and I felt a minor electric shock on my right hands.

Right away, I became very afraid for you , my Xami because I also had a bit of a major electric shock when I was pregnant with your brother JJ and may be all those little things had contributed to my miscarriage of him.  I was crying a lot tonight apologizing to you and to your dad, willing you to move and be okay.  I took the stethoscope and tried to listen to your heartbeat.  I could not bear it if I have caused you harm in any way.  I don't know what I'd do if I lose you again.  I don't think I can ever get over it if that ever happens.  I was begging the Lord to make you safe.  I love you so much, please be okay.  You have been kicking a lot though as if you are reassuring me that you are okay... and thank you so much baby for those little movements and hiccups that lets your dad and me know that you are still in there with us.  Please be okay, my love.

By the way, I have learned last Saturday during your routine ultrasound that you are a boy.  Your dad was so thrilled. :) I am also very happy as I wanted to really give your dad a son to carry his name.  What was funny is that for some time now I felt like you were a girl so I prepared a girl's name... now I have to think again... what should we call you Xami?  We're still keeping the Xamyrrh, but the Dawn sounds too girlish, doesn't it?  And I do not want you to hate me for calling you a girl's name.  LOL!  Your dad suggested that we just change the spelling to Don, but I kind of don't like it.  It sounds like some rich old fat man who sits by doing absolutely nothing relevant in the world. So I won't call you that. I'm thinking Xamyrrh Dew and your dad likes it too... after all, you are the Dew in the long Summer of my marriage to your dad.  Dry Summer... dry in the sense that we have waited for you for six long years, not that my marriage to your dad was ever dry.  No, absolutely not.  Your dad is the kindest, funny, and best husband I could ever have.  He is my BEST!

Four more weeks and you'll be with us.  I have already packed our bags for hospital stay.

Iloveyou more than life itself.

Hospital Bag

Hi Xami, your dad, tita Sharon and I went to Solano today to buy groceries for Saturday.  Your uncles Gerry, Lee and Brian, and Aunts Sarah, Julie, and Meriam and your cousins Kuya Giel, ate Jelyrr, ate Lhyzel, Kuya Gyhzler, ate Ashlee, and Ate Brianna will be here for dinner in remembrance of your Lolo Longcoy.  Too bad you will not be able to see and know him.  You would love him I'm sure!  He would be giving you piggy back rides if he's here.  But he went to heaven already and you are yet to be born.  Still, I will try my best to let you know him at least even if only in pictures and stories.

So anyway, I am slowly completing your hospital bag. I bought you your first newborn diapers today, your milkbath, your baby soap and other stuff that you will need. I have added these to the bag that I have packed up for you.  Your lolo Bagly has sent you clothes from the US. They're second hand, but they're so cute and you will surely look so cute in them.

I could not sleep again today because I have slept for the good part of the afternoon after we came back from Solano. And you, you keep reminding me that you're there (as if I'd forget :) by kicking at me mercilessly. :) That's okay, sweetheart.  I love it when you kick, as long as you're not kicking at my bladder, as it is so difficult for me to get out of bed now that you've grown so big in my tummy.  Your Papa usually helps me but he's already off to Dreamland so no help for me there.

I gotta try to sleep though... Iloveyou, and really can't wait to see you already... :) 4-6 more weeks, and you'll be out here... :)

33 weeks 4 days

Yes, that's how old you are today:  33 weeks and 4 days.  You can actually come out now and you'll be okay, but not yet, stay in there a while longer although there is nothing I want more than to hold you in my arms right now. Last week, before tita jenilyn and ate chloe went home, I asked your dad and jenilyn to remove the bookshelf from our bedroom so we can bring in the chest of drawers for us to put your things in. I just put in your lampin, your onesies and some mittens there.  I also prepared your bag so we can just grab it and go when we need to get to the hospital.

I am so excited to see you already!  :) You keep kicking at my ribs and it kind of hurts sometimes but that is okay.  I love it when you're moving a lot.  It reassures me that you are okay!

Iloveyou, my Xami.