Hospital Bag

Hi Xami, your dad, tita Sharon and I went to Solano today to buy groceries for Saturday.  Your uncles Gerry, Lee and Brian, and Aunts Sarah, Julie, and Meriam and your cousins Kuya Giel, ate Jelyrr, ate Lhyzel, Kuya Gyhzler, ate Ashlee, and Ate Brianna will be here for dinner in remembrance of your Lolo Longcoy.  Too bad you will not be able to see and know him.  You would love him I'm sure!  He would be giving you piggy back rides if he's here.  But he went to heaven already and you are yet to be born.  Still, I will try my best to let you know him at least even if only in pictures and stories.

So anyway, I am slowly completing your hospital bag. I bought you your first newborn diapers today, your milkbath, your baby soap and other stuff that you will need. I have added these to the bag that I have packed up for you.  Your lolo Bagly has sent you clothes from the US. They're second hand, but they're so cute and you will surely look so cute in them.

I could not sleep again today because I have slept for the good part of the afternoon after we came back from Solano. And you, you keep reminding me that you're there (as if I'd forget :) by kicking at me mercilessly. :) That's okay, sweetheart.  I love it when you kick, as long as you're not kicking at my bladder, as it is so difficult for me to get out of bed now that you've grown so big in my tummy.  Your Papa usually helps me but he's already off to Dreamland so no help for me there.

I gotta try to sleep though... Iloveyou, and really can't wait to see you already... :) 4-6 more weeks, and you'll be out here... :)

33 weeks 4 days

Yes, that's how old you are today:  33 weeks and 4 days.  You can actually come out now and you'll be okay, but not yet, stay in there a while longer although there is nothing I want more than to hold you in my arms right now. Last week, before tita jenilyn and ate chloe went home, I asked your dad and jenilyn to remove the bookshelf from our bedroom so we can bring in the chest of drawers for us to put your things in. I just put in your lampin, your onesies and some mittens there.  I also prepared your bag so we can just grab it and go when we need to get to the hospital.

I am so excited to see you already!  :) You keep kicking at my ribs and it kind of hurts sometimes but that is okay.  I love it when you're moving a lot.  It reassures me that you are okay!

Iloveyou, my Xami.

almost 7

Yes, Xami.  You are almost 7 months now and as July nears, I couldn't help wanting to see you already.  But no, you can't come out yet.  You have to stay there a couple more weeks.  My sugar went up to 260s yesterday because I ate a lot of sweet fruits.  I am so sorry about that.  I hope it doesn't affect you too much.  I think it's destroying my eyesight though. 

For a change, I tried to work not from my bed for two days but at the end of the second day, I almost fainted.  You really don't like me sitting up.  You want me horizontal all the time.  You don't even like it when I lie on my left side which is the position the doctor recommended, as you keep kicking and moving around a lot when I do that. You just like me flat on my back... so that's what I am doing.

Really, I am so excited to see you now.  I am thinking about the things your dad and I need to prepare for your coming.  I have some onesies for you already, but I have yet to buy your layettes, pillows and other stuff.  You don't have to fret on the stuffed toys department though, because daddy has already taken  care of that. I'm sure you'll love all the little stuffed bears, and cows, and kittens and chipmunks that he bought for you.


I love you, Xami.  See you in no time... :)

SUGAR SCARE

My blood glucose measurements are too high today--up to 165, and my BP went up to 130/110.  And you Xamyrrh keeps kicking at me.  I hope it only means you're becoming strong there and not because you are in distress.  I don't think I can bear losing you. Let's pray that our good Lord would hold us together longer and that you will be born healthy and that I would be there to take you in my arms and care for you until the day you don't need me anymore.  Your dad is in Manila trying to take a exam for his course.  I know he misses you and me already.  We love you so much, our sweetheart!  Please hang in there... we'll see you in no time.

In Bagabag with Papa and Kuya Yzlel

Today, papa, and Kuya Yzlel and I went to Bagabag.  First we went to the bank, got some money and went to Solano to register at AIM Global, then to Bagabag we went.

Papa helped Ninang Marianne with her computer needs but it took until 4pm and I was so tired already and you keep kicking me but it was not painful, I really love it when I feel you moving in my tummy.  Your kuya Yzlel and I went to the girl's dorm so Mama can lie down and rest a bit.  Kuya Yzlel was so bored he keeps talking and talking.  He even talks to you telling you to stay quiet and not move a lot because Mama is in pain. :)  He told me to talk to you 'dadan' so that you will not get bored like he was.

Kuya Yzlel's pieces of advise:

"Tita, hapit mo dadan hi Xami."
"Xami, ag ka pantegid. Mahakitan hi mamam."
"Tita, opisan taka hiyay ma-kal i hakit mo."
"Xami, hehgeden tayoh papam, magano, on-akad kiho law."

Your Kuya Yzlel is so cool.  You'll like him when you all grow up.

We arrived home at 6pm and I could not get up afterward.  Papa left for Manila tonight and it's you and me alone again.  He kissed you on my tummy and said, "I love you Xam, alagaan mo si mama ha!" :)


Papa and I love you so much, and we can't wait to see you na... if only I can pull the days para July na sana.  :)

Xami at 23 weeks

Yes, the little life growing inside of me is 23 weeks already,  She's been kicking at my bladder like crazy ever since we passed the 20-week mark.  I have been complaining about my having to go and empty my bladder every 15 minutes or so, and having to drink lots of fluid, but I miss it when Xami stops kicking.  So actually, I am enjoying this pregnancy except that I have to lie down most of the day. 

I keep imagining what it would be like to finally be a mother.  Sometimes I get nervous because I know that sometimes I can be very lazy and so sometimes I wonder if I will be mom enough to be any good to my child.

Oh Well, I guessed, every first time mother have asked this question once in their life. 

All I know is that I will love you and care for you, Xami, with every bit of my heart, person, and soul, and to the last of my strength.

I truly love you so much already... Xamyrrh Dawn Pido Lumawan. 

Tubal Preg Scare

I went on a binging spree researching about my health conditions that I tried to ignore this last few months,  thinking fatalistically, and telling my myself that if I die, I die, and so it doesn't make a difference if I manage my PCOS and my Diabetes or not.  Yes, I rebelled from the restrictive diet that I had to follow, and I went back to my old habits of eating sugars, not paying attention to what I eat and weigh, and not exercising.

But the last few weeks, I have been in one of my neurotic moods where I was very sad, manic-depressive, and just don't have the energy nor joy to face a in-another-state-of-mind beautiful day.  Then I noticed that I have missed my period and I have been feeling a general throbbing pain in my lower tummy.  Sometimes, it is throbbing, but sometimes it is sharp and it feels like a shock wave crossing across my abdomen.  I began to voraciously read again about ectopic pregnancy, ovarian cysts, insulin resistance and pregnancy in general.

I have been feeling the early signs of pregnancy:  mammary tenderness, nausea, and some sensitivity to smell but then today, every one of these symptoms disappeared. So again, I don't know if I am pregnant.  I should be able to do a hpt next week.

I was trying to remember if it felt like this when I first suffered from the tubal pregnancy in 2008.  Just thinking about undergoing another surgery, and the dragging months of recovery that would follow makes me want to just lie down and die. 

Plus when I look at myself in the mirror, the person looking back at me is someone I do not know.  She is so ugly, what with her acne-ravished face and her coarse dry hair and the lack of life in those eyes with the droopy eyelids.  I hate her.

It is good I still have work, and people to take care of.  Thank God.

Lord, sorry for being such a pain... if the earth would open its mouth because of my complaints, I probably would have been swallowed already. (I'm not complaining though, you know, I'm just sayin'.) :-)