I went on a binging spree researching about my health conditions that I tried to ignore this last few months, thinking fatalistically, and telling my myself that if I die, I die, and so it doesn't make a difference if I manage my PCOS and my Diabetes or not. Yes, I rebelled from the restrictive diet that I had to follow, and I went back to my old habits of eating sugars, not paying attention to what I eat and weigh, and not exercising.
But the last few weeks, I have been in one of my neurotic moods where I was very sad, manic-depressive, and just don't have the energy nor joy to face a in-another-state-of-mind beautiful day. Then I noticed that I have missed my period and I have been feeling a general throbbing pain in my lower tummy. Sometimes, it is throbbing, but sometimes it is sharp and it feels like a shock wave crossing across my abdomen. I began to voraciously read again about ectopic pregnancy, ovarian cysts, insulin resistance and pregnancy in general.
I have been feeling the early signs of pregnancy: mammary tenderness, nausea, and some sensitivity to smell but then today, every one of these symptoms disappeared. So again, I don't know if I am pregnant. I should be able to do a hpt next week.
I was trying to remember if it felt like this when I first suffered from the tubal pregnancy in 2008. Just thinking about undergoing another surgery, and the dragging months of recovery that would follow makes me want to just lie down and die.
Plus when I look at myself in the mirror, the person looking back at me is someone I do not know. She is so ugly, what with her acne-ravished face and her coarse dry hair and the lack of life in those eyes with the droopy eyelids. I hate her.
It is good I still have work, and people to take care of. Thank God.
Lord, sorry for being such a pain... if the earth would open its mouth because of my complaints, I probably would have been swallowed already. (I'm not complaining though, you know, I'm just sayin'.) :-)
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
BONE-TIRED
I crashed. No, I don't mean it like the way a computer would crash. If I meant that, then I won't be here writing about it, right?
I went to bed after work last Friday and spent most of the night tiring my eyes out to be able to sleep. I slept at around five in the morning, and woke up two hours later when the sun came shining through my curtains in full glaring glory, feeling as if I am hang-over. The new medicine I am on has funny side effects. You feel like you're having the worst morning sickness of your life, made even much worst by diarrhea and a hairsplitting headache. But it does keep my blood sugar within normal and at least for the last two days, I have been free from the pain caused by my ovarian cysts. So I guessed, there is no way to get the best of both worlds. I have to suffer the headache, the nausea, the dizziness, and the diarrhea, so I won't feel the cystic pain or so I won't die due to high blood sugar complications. Sometimes, I wish I have the option to choose the latter, because it is the easiest of all my other choices.
Today is Sunday and nothing has improved. I didn't go to church because my head swims when I try to get up. I forced myself to bathe and almost lost conciousness in the bathroom. Darn this body for rotting too early...
I am so tired of feeling like this...
I went to bed after work last Friday and spent most of the night tiring my eyes out to be able to sleep. I slept at around five in the morning, and woke up two hours later when the sun came shining through my curtains in full glaring glory, feeling as if I am hang-over. The new medicine I am on has funny side effects. You feel like you're having the worst morning sickness of your life, made even much worst by diarrhea and a hairsplitting headache. But it does keep my blood sugar within normal and at least for the last two days, I have been free from the pain caused by my ovarian cysts. So I guessed, there is no way to get the best of both worlds. I have to suffer the headache, the nausea, the dizziness, and the diarrhea, so I won't feel the cystic pain or so I won't die due to high blood sugar complications. Sometimes, I wish I have the option to choose the latter, because it is the easiest of all my other choices.
Today is Sunday and nothing has improved. I didn't go to church because my head swims when I try to get up. I forced myself to bathe and almost lost conciousness in the bathroom. Darn this body for rotting too early...
I am so tired of feeling like this...
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
ER... almost
I almost asked my husband to take me to the ER today, (although from past experiences, the ER in the hospitals in this side of the world aren't that encouraging either) after I felt a sudden chest pain, weakness in my limbs, dizziness, and nausea, which are all indicative of a heart attack. Now, why in the world would I get a heart attack? Well, yes! I am not the healthiest person, but heart attack?
So I decided to wait it out a little and see how it goes, telling myself to breathe in and out because it came to a point where all my awareness is focused on the crushing pressure on my chest that makes it so difficult to breathe. I voraciously searched the net for any possible diagnosis of the symptoms I was presenting and came across a forum where people with similar symptoms posted what their doctors found out (or mostly what they did not find out) and some remedies they've tried that somehow alleviated the discomfort.
A lot of them said it might be trapped gas that is causing the pain in the chest cavity. This is possible because the pain is usually accompanied by severe upper abdominal upset that radiates to the back and feels like someone has 'eleazarized' you. (Eleazar is Aaron the High Priest's son who wedged a sword into the back of someone.:) So I tried to drink a soda and the belching that ensued had somehow lessened the pain, that I was able to put a load into the laundry machine, but the pain came back after a few moments and so I ran back to bed. But as I am typing this, I have to stop a lot because the pain keeps coming back. This is even after I had called Lani to give me a back rub which released some of the pressure I was feeling on my back.
Last night, I had a terrible nape and throat pain after a long day of staring at my computer. It was so bad it feels like someone has put his fingers around my neck and was strangling me to death. I was beginning to feel disoriented and as if my ears were going to blow. I thought it was just fatigue, but when I started to feel nauseous, I remembered to check my blood sugar and the checker revealed 30mg/dl. I called my husband and we checked it again, and it was the same. I am supposed to be a diabetic, my blood sugar should be above 180. Then I remember, I have been on a medicine intended for my other condition but is actually a sugar-lowering medicine and I was also taking bitter gourd (ampalaya) capsules specifically to lower my blood sugar. So I ate a couple of tablespoons full of honey, and an Ibuprofen for the strangling spastic pain on my neck and a sleep aid and went to bed. I woke up this morning feeling shaky in my hands and knees, drank my coffee and went to work. Then at 5PM, I was preparing to start my exercise regimen (because a very dear friend lighted a fire under me this morning and told me to restart really exercising because she'd like me to have a longer life--thank you, S) when I suddenly felt the pain in my chest.
I was also reading about the toxicity of the medicine I was taking and lactic acidosis was one of its worst. This one can be fatal. Maybe this medicine is killing me softly... :-)
I'm going to the doctor on Thursday and prayerfully hoping that the chest pains I've been having are just trapped gas like all those people in the forum were talking about. Tomorrow, I have a teaching commitment to go to. Lord, please show me favor and let me be okay tomorrow.
So I decided to wait it out a little and see how it goes, telling myself to breathe in and out because it came to a point where all my awareness is focused on the crushing pressure on my chest that makes it so difficult to breathe. I voraciously searched the net for any possible diagnosis of the symptoms I was presenting and came across a forum where people with similar symptoms posted what their doctors found out (or mostly what they did not find out) and some remedies they've tried that somehow alleviated the discomfort.
A lot of them said it might be trapped gas that is causing the pain in the chest cavity. This is possible because the pain is usually accompanied by severe upper abdominal upset that radiates to the back and feels like someone has 'eleazarized' you. (Eleazar is Aaron the High Priest's son who wedged a sword into the back of someone.:) So I tried to drink a soda and the belching that ensued had somehow lessened the pain, that I was able to put a load into the laundry machine, but the pain came back after a few moments and so I ran back to bed. But as I am typing this, I have to stop a lot because the pain keeps coming back. This is even after I had called Lani to give me a back rub which released some of the pressure I was feeling on my back.
Last night, I had a terrible nape and throat pain after a long day of staring at my computer. It was so bad it feels like someone has put his fingers around my neck and was strangling me to death. I was beginning to feel disoriented and as if my ears were going to blow. I thought it was just fatigue, but when I started to feel nauseous, I remembered to check my blood sugar and the checker revealed 30mg/dl. I called my husband and we checked it again, and it was the same. I am supposed to be a diabetic, my blood sugar should be above 180. Then I remember, I have been on a medicine intended for my other condition but is actually a sugar-lowering medicine and I was also taking bitter gourd (ampalaya) capsules specifically to lower my blood sugar. So I ate a couple of tablespoons full of honey, and an Ibuprofen for the strangling spastic pain on my neck and a sleep aid and went to bed. I woke up this morning feeling shaky in my hands and knees, drank my coffee and went to work. Then at 5PM, I was preparing to start my exercise regimen (because a very dear friend lighted a fire under me this morning and told me to restart really exercising because she'd like me to have a longer life--thank you, S) when I suddenly felt the pain in my chest.
I was also reading about the toxicity of the medicine I was taking and lactic acidosis was one of its worst. This one can be fatal. Maybe this medicine is killing me softly... :-)
I'm going to the doctor on Thursday and prayerfully hoping that the chest pains I've been having are just trapped gas like all those people in the forum were talking about. Tomorrow, I have a teaching commitment to go to. Lord, please show me favor and let me be okay tomorrow.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
DAY 1
Today, I had 3 pandesals and coffee with milk for breakfast. I forgot to load up on water. I should go and do that now.
For Lunch, I had chinese cabbage salad with Caesar dressing, rice, grilled squid and beef steak. I think I ate more than a cup of rice. Bad. I'll do better tomorrow.
I'll just have the left over chinese cabbage for supper later.
And maybe I'll resume my Leslie Sansone's 30-minute walk early this evening.
For Lunch, I had chinese cabbage salad with Caesar dressing, rice, grilled squid and beef steak. I think I ate more than a cup of rice. Bad. I'll do better tomorrow.
I'll just have the left over chinese cabbage for supper later.
And maybe I'll resume my Leslie Sansone's 30-minute walk early this evening.
Diabetes and Me
I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes soon after I was told that my ultrasonography showed a string of pearls in my ovaries, i.e. a polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). Any woman with PCOS has a high risk of developing diabetes later in life. Well, later-in-life came to me too soon, unlucky me.
My dad is a Type2 Diabetic also and that increased my predisposition to the disease. He died 9 days ago of unexplained causes. He was an active man, hiking all over the mountains of Nueva Vizcaya almost on a weekly basis. I believe now that his death was diabetes-related. Maybe his heart gave up just like that due to some systemic anomaly caused by an episode of too much or maybe too little sugar in his blood. I regret now why I was not forceful enough in telling him to pay closer attention to his illness and suggest other remedies after he decided to just quit his Metformin medications due to its uncomfortable side effects. Whatever I will be able to learn now will not bring him back but maybe I will be able to apply it to manage my own diabetes.
Diabetes is a traitor. Sometimes, it is so easy to forget that you have a life-threatening illness because, most of the time, you feel nothing out of ordinary. And then suddenly, you will drop dead just like that. Twice already, I have lost consciousness for a few moments, due primarily to this disease. I was okay, one moment, and then all of a sudden, my vision would blur, my muscles would turn to jelly, and I would blackout. I don't have a problem dropping dead, if that is how I am supposed to go, :) but I have to admit, sometimes, I am not very good at taking care of myself. I guess I got that from my father. It is so easy for him to take care of others, even to the point of sacrificing his own. I wish I could say I'm like that, but mostly, I am just lazy and careless.
But today, I am making this blog to chronicle my battle with diabetes, and I was told one too many times, that I should lose weight. So I created this journal to keep watch of my eating habits and other things that I am planning to do to become healthy again.
My dad is a Type2 Diabetic also and that increased my predisposition to the disease. He died 9 days ago of unexplained causes. He was an active man, hiking all over the mountains of Nueva Vizcaya almost on a weekly basis. I believe now that his death was diabetes-related. Maybe his heart gave up just like that due to some systemic anomaly caused by an episode of too much or maybe too little sugar in his blood. I regret now why I was not forceful enough in telling him to pay closer attention to his illness and suggest other remedies after he decided to just quit his Metformin medications due to its uncomfortable side effects. Whatever I will be able to learn now will not bring him back but maybe I will be able to apply it to manage my own diabetes.
Diabetes is a traitor. Sometimes, it is so easy to forget that you have a life-threatening illness because, most of the time, you feel nothing out of ordinary. And then suddenly, you will drop dead just like that. Twice already, I have lost consciousness for a few moments, due primarily to this disease. I was okay, one moment, and then all of a sudden, my vision would blur, my muscles would turn to jelly, and I would blackout. I don't have a problem dropping dead, if that is how I am supposed to go, :) but I have to admit, sometimes, I am not very good at taking care of myself. I guess I got that from my father. It is so easy for him to take care of others, even to the point of sacrificing his own. I wish I could say I'm like that, but mostly, I am just lazy and careless.
But today, I am making this blog to chronicle my battle with diabetes, and I was told one too many times, that I should lose weight. So I created this journal to keep watch of my eating habits and other things that I am planning to do to become healthy again.
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