It's 2:38AM and I was finishing up Deuteronomy 2 when I felt a crashing pain on my chest and upper to mid-abdomen. I asked your dad to go get the stethoscope from grammie so I could listen to your heartbeat. I was only able to count 100bpm so I did it again, but same result. After a few minutes, I counted again, and it was barely 90. What in the world is wrong with you now? Please be okay... I am begging the Lord to let me know if I need to wake dad up to take us to the hospital. You are still moving a lot and that should be a good sign but it might also be because you are in distress. I hope you are not. I feel fine so I am hoping you're okay in there.
iloveyou, Xami
mama
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Saturday, July 23, 2011
THE CHOICE
So we are supposed to meet you for the first time today Xami, as this is your 40th week in there. But no, you have decided to stay there a bit longer. :)
And we still haven't settled on your name yet. Is it going to be Raynee/Raynie Xamyrrh or Xamyrrh Dew or just Raymie? Your dad even suggested Raygie to get the last syllable of my name in there, but it sounds like Regie, and I don't like anything for you that sounds too common. I hope you'll like the name I'll give you, whatever it is going to be.
The other day, I asked your dad if he is nervous at all about your coming out. He said he's feeling quite relaxed right now but that who knows how he's gonna feel when it's time. I told him I'm a bit scared about the whole thing. So anyway, I told him that if it comes down to choosing between me or you, that he should choose you. I cried saying that because of course, I would like to enjoy you, take care of you, be a really good mommy to you, but let's face it, this is a high risk pregnancy and it is not impossible for something to go wrong. But I hope to God I won't die giving birth to you as I would really love to watch you grow and become the person that the Lord God wants you to be.
A while ago, our doctor told us that we can still afford to wait one more week for you to voluntarily come out. If not, she'll have to cut open mommy and get you out. I really hope you'd be born without much help other than my pushing you out. Please Xami... please Lord Jesus! :)
It's 9 minutes to 1AM and your dad can't stand the light emanating from my laptop so he went and lie down on the coach in the living room. I think mostly though that he's mad at me for bringing up the 'choice' thing. But anyway, if that happens, that I perish birthing you, please make sure that your dad marries again, but not from the Kalanguya tribe. He can marry anyone, just not another Kalanguya. Why? Because she will be kawawa in the long run. Your dad will compare her to me all their married life and your mom is this unique weird girl who loves your dad with a love that knows no bound and sees no fault and so can never be replaced! Hehehe! :)
And I so love you, my dearest Xami.
And we still haven't settled on your name yet. Is it going to be Raynee/Raynie Xamyrrh or Xamyrrh Dew or just Raymie? Your dad even suggested Raygie to get the last syllable of my name in there, but it sounds like Regie, and I don't like anything for you that sounds too common. I hope you'll like the name I'll give you, whatever it is going to be.
The other day, I asked your dad if he is nervous at all about your coming out. He said he's feeling quite relaxed right now but that who knows how he's gonna feel when it's time. I told him I'm a bit scared about the whole thing. So anyway, I told him that if it comes down to choosing between me or you, that he should choose you. I cried saying that because of course, I would like to enjoy you, take care of you, be a really good mommy to you, but let's face it, this is a high risk pregnancy and it is not impossible for something to go wrong. But I hope to God I won't die giving birth to you as I would really love to watch you grow and become the person that the Lord God wants you to be.
A while ago, our doctor told us that we can still afford to wait one more week for you to voluntarily come out. If not, she'll have to cut open mommy and get you out. I really hope you'd be born without much help other than my pushing you out. Please Xami... please Lord Jesus! :)
It's 9 minutes to 1AM and your dad can't stand the light emanating from my laptop so he went and lie down on the coach in the living room. I think mostly though that he's mad at me for bringing up the 'choice' thing. But anyway, if that happens, that I perish birthing you, please make sure that your dad marries again, but not from the Kalanguya tribe. He can marry anyone, just not another Kalanguya. Why? Because she will be kawawa in the long run. Your dad will compare her to me all their married life and your mom is this unique weird girl who loves your dad with a love that knows no bound and sees no fault and so can never be replaced! Hehehe! :)
And I so love you, my dearest Xami.
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